No fear! We have the situation under control

We, the ruling political class, keep the people calm; now it's right; shortly before the Great Depression claimed its victims, we increased access to the population, we prohibited contacts in public spaces. We do not allow rioting and enforce that. The equipment with the digital media helps us to track the stay at all times and to prevent meetings by the police. The rough methods of right-wing populists are not necessary, we make it wiser: We have rediscovered the annual flu wave and have brought the virus, which claims its victims every year, to the fore. There are as many victims this year as in previous years, but we will not miss the opportunity to make political capital out of it, as with swine flu.

And the media play along, they show graphics with steep rises (the wave rises so steeply every year), bring pictures of coffins (these are the coffins of those who drowned before Lampedusa, but are nevertheless impressive) and stir up fears. At the same time, we appeal to solidarity, which is always well received.

The timing is excellent: the returns of the corporations, especially the auto companies, are at great risk. Dismissals of workers are urgently needed, short-time working allowance paid by the state helps enormously to protect the return.

The climate movement threatened to slip away and consumed the return. The young people didn't seem to care. They simply did not want to understand that climate protection has to lag behind the growth of the economy. Therefore, they should now see how difficult it is to maintain the economic cycle.

Populists like Höcke and Salvini and Co are not as good at it as we are. We guarantee that your property will not be touched. We will let workable migrants in such doses that there is sufficient wage competition and unions cannot make outrageous demands. We have also created a good environment in which the pension only has to be paid at the age of 67.

Some small businesses will probably go bankrupt, but the media are on our side and have already prepared the appropriate calming explanations (zombie businesses, etc.). There are still alternative media out of our line, but we will slander them and cover them with costly processes. It always helps. We have thinned out the judiciary so much that it will not dare resist. We have positioned well-established politicians in the Federal Constitutional Court so that the judiciary will not be out of line.

We are well prepared and in total control; if necessary, we will intensify surveillance and then we will be more successful than state security in the GDR. We do not need to use methods as harsh as the Chinese in the case of the doctor who first examined the viruses.

The course of the crisis will show that the population has to work so much more that the wealthy will emerge stronger from it.